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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29885919">the road not taken</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petr1chor/pseuds/Petr1chor'>Petr1chor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Les Misérables - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arab Character, Asexual Enjolras, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enjolras Is Bad At Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining Enjolras, Post-Break Up, Reconciliation, Self-Esteem Issues, Soft Enjolras (Les Misérables), Trans Enjolras, arab Grantaire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:46:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29885919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petr1chor/pseuds/Petr1chor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>i wrote this inspired by a piece of art by @mar-mellata on tumblr </p><p>When Enjolras returns home for Marius and Cosette's wedding, he runs into his ex boyfriend, Grantaire, and it stirs up old feelings. </p><p>ft. workoholic lawyer Enjolras, creative Grantaire and lots and lots of pining and miscommunication</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi!<br/>thanks for coming here, i hope you stick around till the end</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Enjolras had never been very fond of driving. Or very good at it for that matter. He tried to avoid it as often as he could, but Combeferre and Courfeyrac had driven over a week early to plan the bachelor party.</p><p>Well, Courfeyrac had. Combeferre had gone to ensure there wouldn’t be any strippers at the bachelor party.</p><p>“Traitors,” Enjolras mumbled as he took a left turn a little too sharply.</p><p>The road was a familiar one, although he was unused to being in the driver’s seat. It was usually Combeferre driving, with Coufeyrac fiddling with the music while he lounged in the backseat with- well, that was ancient history.</p><p>He tried to keep his mind focused on the road, the quiet hum of the car as it begged him to change gears. It may have taken him a moment, but he did manage to do it.</p><p>It had been an awfully long drive, from Paris to Provence. Everyone had warned him against driving seven hours alone, but the alternative would have been to take an extra week’s leave. Enjolras reached for the radio, letting the steady sound of the BBC keep him going.</p><p>Two weeks away from his job was more than enough. It wasn’t even his wedding.</p><p>“You have four years’ worth of leave days accumulated, Enjolras,” his boss had said to him.</p><p>Too many things his boss said to him sounded a lot like <em>please rest </em>and<em> you need to take a break. </em></p><p>Enjolras shook his head. Cosette had made him promise that he wouldn’t think about work for two weeks, he was definitely capable of doing that. He could keep his mind off work for two weeks. Although, he recalled, there was a client he was supposed to attend to on Monday.</p><p>His hand itched to reach for his phone, but he kept it firmly on the steering wheel. He was only a few minutes away and he definitely didn’t need a repeat of last July’s incident with the old lady.</p><p>He could still hear Combeferre shrieking <em>You hit an old woman with your car?</em></p><p>Apparently the fact that she had been walking down the road instead of across it, and the fact that he barely nudged her hadn’t mattered to him at all.</p><p>Enjolras absently flicked his turn signal on, with his heart in his throat. It had been far too long since he had returned to this place. He remembered the last time he was in the driver’s seat here, barely learning how to drive, with a familiar hand covering his to shift to the right gear.</p><p>He shook did head violently, turning sharply into the street.</p><p>He heard a thud.</p><p>
  <em>No. Oh fuck no. </em>
</p><p>He put the car in park whispering a steady stream of expletives and threw the door open.</p><p>“Fuck,” he whispered as he heard the obvious groaning of the person he had hit. He could see their legs.</p><p>He rushed towards them, despite the very loud screaming going off in his brain. His voice was coming out strained and squeaky and he knew he was screeching a little bit.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, of my god, are you okay?”</p><p>The person who was on the road raised one arm in a feeble thumbs up. Enjolras felt a nervous smile plaster across his face as the person flipped over.</p><p>“Are you hurt?”</p><p>The person wheezed out a laugh, “No shit, dude.”</p><p>Enjolras stopped, his eyes widening. No, he thought, even his luck could not be so unbelievably bad. He inhaled deeply.</p><p>“Grantaire?”</p><p>The man dragged himself into a sitting position, swiveling around to face Enjolras.</p><p>“No fucking way, Apollo himself, in the flesh.”</p><p>Enjolras laughed a little hysterically, surveying the scene. There was a large coffee stain on the sweater Grantaire was wearing. He looked disheveled, but Enjolras did not remember a time when he didn’t.</p><p>“Fuck,” he said, yet again, reaching towards him and stopping himself.  “Are you okay? I can take you to the hospital.”</p><p>Grantaire was looking right at him, and Enjolras felt unsettled under his gaze. He shook his head.</p><p>“I’m fine, you drive like a grandma.”</p><p>Enjolras ground his teeth together, regarding Grantaire for injuries.</p><p><em>His hair has grown longer</em>, his mind supplied and Enjolras let out a strangled sound.</p><p>Grantaire seemed to shake himself out of whatever thought that had had him watching Enjolras for so long, and Enjolras sighed in relief. He stood, collecting his now empty coffee cup off the road.</p><p>“See,” he said, smiling, and Enjolras felt like he hadn’t blinked in an unnatural amount of time, “Right as rain.”</p><p>“Let me at least drive you home,” Enjolras found himself saying, and he didn’t know why. This wasn’t a good idea.</p><p>Grantaire shifted from one foot to another, wiggling one of them experimentally and wincing.</p><p>“You know what? I’ll take you up on that offer.”</p><p>Enjolras gestured to the car, unsure, and Grantaire tossed him a smile before getting in.</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the ER?”</p><p>“Yep, my ankles just a bit twisted. Nothing some ice can’t fix.”</p><p>Enjolras started the car with trepidation, “Um, your parents’ house?”</p><p>“Huh?” Grantaire was already fiddling with the glove compartment, and Enjolras bit back a smile, “No, no, not there.”</p><p>Enjolras took a U turn as Grantiare rattled off his address.</p><p>“How come you’re in town? Wait <em>oh </em>you’re here for the wedding! Of course you are.”</p><p>Enjolras nodded, feeling a little bit like every word he had ever learned had suddenly run away from him.</p><p>“Right in time for the bachelor party too. Are you feeling wild, Enjolras?”</p><p>Enjolras choked on a laugh, surprised as it was drawn out of him. He glanced over at Grantaire who looked a little pleased with himself.</p><p>He found himself smiling. This was familiar. The narrow roads. The teasing. He exhaled. He could not think that way.</p><p>“I might do something wild.”</p><p>“Planning on jumping out of a cake for Marius?”</p><p>Enjolras bit back a laugh, “Shut up.”</p><p>Grantaire chuckled.</p><p>Enjolras glanced over, looking at his ruined sweater. They were nearing where Grantaie said he lived, and Enjolras had a sinking feeling building in his chest.</p><p>“Let me buy you coffee to make up for, uh, hitting you with my car?” Enjolras said, certain that he sounded as unsure as he felt, “We could talk a bit, catch up, maybe?”</p><p>Grnataire said nothing for a long moment, and Enjolras felt his heart crawling up his throat.</p><p>“Left here.”</p><p>Enjolras pressed his lips together, turning the car. Grantaire sighed.</p><p>“Enjolras, I- I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, his voice deliberately soft, “I’m sorry-“</p><p>“No, no, you’re right. That was a really stupid idea.”</p><p>Grantaire laughed, and Enjolras hated the sound. That wasn’t what his laugh sounded like.</p><p>“It’s the one next to the bakery there, you can stop in front of it.”</p><p>Enjolras nodded, he didn’t trust his voice. He rolled to a stop in front of the little bakery that had a large cat lounging in the window.</p><p>Grantaire exited the car and shut the door. He leaned down to the window, “It was really nice to see you, Enjolras.”</p><p>The smile he was wearing was soft, but genuine, and Enjolras felt his mouth curling up. His heart was thudding in his chest.</p><p>“Yeah, you too.”</p><p>Enjolras sat there for a long time before he drove away.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Enjolras’ eyes kept darting to the giant Mamma Mia poster Courfeyrac had in his childhood bedroom. He had spent an awful lot of time in here panicking under the guise of fixing his hair. He was fairly certain he had made his hair worse.</p><p>There was a sharp, three tap knock on the door that Enjolras knew as Combeferre’s.</p><p>“Come in,” he called from where he stood in front of the mirror.</p><p>Combeferre opened the door, standing in the doorway for a long moment gazing at him.</p><p>“What’s going on, E?”</p><p>Enjolras shugged, struggling to meet his eye through the mirror.</p><p>Combeferre hummed quietly, coming forward and wordlessly fixing his hair that he so obviously ruined.</p><p>“Why are you afraid of seeing him?”</p><p>Enjolras laughed a little at how Combeferre could just read him with so much ease.</p><p>“I just- I know I’m going to make it awkward somehow,” the self-loathing in his tone had grown unfamiliar over time, but in this moment, he felt impossibly young again, “I’m very good at that.”</p><p>Combeferre made a thoughtful sound, fixing his tie for an excuse to stay close to him. Enjolras was overwhelmed by how grateful he was to have him here. The messy, unsettled feeling in his chest calmed down a little when he was around.</p><p>Just a little.</p><p>“Tell me the truth, Enjolras,”</p><p>Enjolras shut his eyes, feeling incredibly stupid saying this after all these years.</p><p>“I can’t- I can’t not look at him.”</p><p>Combeferre smiled at him, and Enjolras couldn’t help but deflate at the pity in it.</p><p>“You’re going to get through this. It’s just two weeks. You’ll be back in Paris terrorizing people in no time.”</p><p>Enjolras laughed at that, and even though it sounded a little choked, it felt good.</p><p>“Let’s go. Wouldn’t want Courf to be late to his own party.”</p><p>“It’s Marius and Cosette’s party.”</p><p>Enjolras grinned, “Is it though?”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>The house was covered in lights. Enjolras had never been one to appreciate this sort of thing, but it was hard even for him to deny that Courfeyrac had done a marvelous job. Cosette had gone on about unnecessarily gendered customs in a heternormitive society when Courfeyrac had video called them about the bachelor party so it wasn’t a bachelor party at all. It was just a good excuse for Courfeyrac to go all out with his favorite streamers while all their friends had fun for the last time as all unmarried people.</p><p>Enjolras had barely stepped into the house before he was attacked by a projectile poet.</p><p>“Enjolras, you bastard, I haven’t seen you in a year!”</p><p>Enjolras laughed, his anxieties melting away for a moment as he pressed a kiss to their cheek, “I missed you too, my sweet Jehan.”</p><p>Jehan beamed at him, dragging him the drinks table and thrusting a bottle in his hand, “Come, let’s go meet everyone you haven’t met for a while since they don’t live inside your office.”</p><p>Enjolras slipped into the living room and for a moment he was transported to a different time. The couldn’t help but stand there for a moment gazing at his friends strewn across the sofa, chairs and rugs like they used to do four years ago.</p><p>The only difference was that now they were all dressed to the nines, no doubt creasing their pretty clothes in the way they had contorted themselves.</p><p>That and the fact that Grantaire was across the room from him, regaling Bossuet with card tricks rather than beside him, holding his hand. Enjolras drank half his bottle in a single gulp.</p><p>The twinkly lights were casting beautiful patterns on his skin and the floral suit he was wearing clung to him beautifully. He was broader than he used to be. He stood straighter too, head held a little higher.</p><p>Enjolras felt irrationally proud. He thought of Grantaire then, trying not to take too much space, hunching his shoulders so no one could see him, and Grantaire as he was now, wearing loud flashing colors with his chin high and a broad smile on his face.</p><p>He took a long sip of whatever drink Jehan had put in his hands and sighed.</p><p>He wanted to take the elegant pearl pins out of his hair and replace them with his fingers. He threw his head back and finished the drink. He got himself another.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Enjolras felt pleasantly buzzed. He had his arm around Feuilly, who was deep in conversation with Combeferre. The lights looked like little stars. Enjolras wanted to touch the little stars.</p><p>He stood, a little woozy. He was walking in a straight line, so he wasn’t too worried. Besides, he had eaten a plate full of cookies.</p><p>Enjolras waded through the wrestling match Bahorel, Bossuet and Jehan seemed to be locked in. He stumbled slightly over Joly’s cane.</p><p>He looked over at the man in question, squeezing his shoulder.</p><p>“How have you been, Chief?”</p><p>Enjolras smiled and kissed Joly’s knuckle, “We should get lunch together. I would love to talk to you for hours.”</p><p>Joly laughed, a big booming laugh that seemed to shake his little frame, “Oh you’re drunk aren’t you?”</p><p>Enjolras didn’t think he was drunk. Tipsy maybe. He made his way over to the table, sticking a handful of crackers in his mouth.</p><p>He was midway through chewing his crackers when he heard-</p><p>“Wow, you’ve been drinking.”</p><p>Enjolras felt his neck crack spectacularly at the speed in which he turned.</p><p>“R,” he said through half a mouthful of crackers, and Grantaire laughed.</p><p>His hair had come out of the careful up do it had been in at the start of the night and was falling free over his shoulders. Enjolras felt torn between wanting to touch his hair and run out of the room.</p><p>He swallowed his crackers.</p><p>Grantaire was looking at him, head tilted slightly.</p><p>“You want to take a walk? There’s something I want to show you.”</p><p>Enjolras nodded standing. He followed Grantaire in silence, watching where his hands disappear into his pockets. Grantaire was humming softly.</p><p>Grantaire led him into the backyard and Enjolras already knew where they were going.</p><p>“How have you been, Grantaire?”</p><p>“You know, I’ve been doing pretty well.”</p><p>Enjolras felt like his words were halting. There was something deeply unfamiliar with making small talk with Grantaire.</p><p>He didn’t say that.</p><p>Instead, he said, “And how are your siblings?”</p><p>Grantaire instantly lit up and Enjolras felt a thrill wash through him. “They’re wonderful! Eponine just graduated last year.”</p><p>He said that with the same pride with which he would say <em>Eponine got into the football team </em>or <em>Gavroche got cast as the lead. </em>Enjolras had always admired the whole, unconditional love with which he would speak of them.</p><p>Grantaire knelt by the fence post and Enjolras almost wanted to tell him not to ruin his fancy pants. But Grantaire had never cared about that sort of thing, and he was gazing at Enjolras with an expression that was so incredibly open.</p><p>“Remember this?” he asked, as if he could ever forget.</p><p>As if he could ever forget how Grantaire had dragged him out of Valjean’s spare bedroom on one of the rougher nights after his parents had kicked him out. He thought of how he had let himself be dragged along, stuck so far inside his mind, wondering if his parents could not love him for who he was, would anyone?</p><p>Grantaire had dragged him out into the backyard, and to the fence they hand impulsively carved all their names in. He had grinned as he pulled out a pocket knife scratching away what he used to be called and placing the knife in his hands.</p><p>Enjolras remembered how his hands shook as he carved a single <em>E</em>.</p><p>Grantaire had kissed him then, held him like he was something precious and whispered <em>you are not alone </em>over and over till he believed it.</p><p>“Yeah,” was all he said, “Yeah I remember.”</p><p>But his face was split in a smile he couldn’t contain and Grantaire tugged at his sleeve until he was on the grass too.</p><p>They lay there side by side in silence. The roar of the party went on and the house almost looked like it was glowing from all the lights.</p><p>“Hey, Apollo,” Grantaire said, his voice quiet.</p><p>Enjolras hummed.</p><p>“Maybe catching up isn’t such a bad idea. Are you free on Wednesday?”</p><p>Enjolras’ grin grew wider, “I’ll buy you coffee.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>maybe i wrote the second chapter so quickly because I'm procrastinating my midterm essay but you cant prove anything</p><p>translation in the end notes</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Enjolras was panicking. He had been staring at the same message on his phone for the past five minutes. He was starting to think he was a little too old to be staring at a message and freaking out.</p><p>
  <em>Unknown number: still up for coffee on wed?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Unknown number: this is R btw</em>
</p><p>It had been a whole day since he received the message. There was a churning feeling in his stomach that he hadn’t felt in a while. Enjolras started to type out his fourth version of the reply.</p><p>
  <em>Are you sure? You didn’t seem keen on the idea in the car and I don’t want to </em>
</p><p>He hit backspace.</p><p>
  <em>Sure, Wednesday is great. </em>
</p><p>That was simple enough. He felt a little absurd at how shaky he was when he hit send.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Enjolras hadn’t been to the Musain in years, but it had hardly changed at all. He stood right outside the large wooden door of it, taking in a bracing breath. He could do this. This was his idea in the first place. He tugged the sleeve of his jacket and huffed out loud.</p><p>This was getting ridiculous. Grantaire was perfectly nice, and he was being dramatic.</p><p>He pushed open the door, and felt an air of familiarity wash over him as the old overhead bell chimed. He couldn’t help but smile despite the nerves.</p><p>His eyes found Grantaire where he already knew he would be, the small table by the left window. The one they would sit at every time they came here. Grantaire smiled and gave him a small wave.</p><p>Despite the gymnastic event in his stomach, there was something endlessly comforting about Grantaire’s smile. Even back in university, when anything would go wrong, when anyone was upset, Grantaire was the person they would send in.</p><p>He was warm, in every sense of the word, and he was looking at Enjolras as if he had made his day by showing up.</p><p>Enjolras swallowed visibly and headed towards him.</p><p>Grantaire pushed a mug towards him, “Got you one of those disgustingly sugary drinks you like. It’s a caramel vanilla latte.”</p><p>Enjolras smiled, wrapping his hands around it, “I was supposed to buy you coffee, not the other way around.”</p><p>“Buy me coffee if I come to your city. You’re in our town now, fancy pants.”</p><p>Enjolras chuckled, and it came easily. He took a sip and sighed, content.</p><p>“God, I had forgotten how good the coffee in this place is.”</p><p>“What, isn’t there any good coffee in Paris?”</p><p>“Well-“</p><p>“Let me guess, the only coffee you drink is from the office break room.”</p><p>Enjolras smiled sheepishly, “Sometimes I get brunch with Combeferre and Courfeyrac on Sundays?”</p><p>Grantaire shook his head, “Apollo never rests.”</p><p>Grantaire was smiling, but Enjolras could see the concern in his eyes and looked steadfastly at the table.</p><p>“Are you staying with Courfeyrac?”</p><p>“What? Oh, no. Ferre and Courf are quite enough for Anna to deal with. Plus the manor is still in my name, and I wanted to see what I could do to sort it out and put it up for sale. I have no idea when I’ll come back here again.”</p><p>Grantaire had his head resting on his chin, and was circling the rim of his mug with a finger. Enjolras tried not to get distracted by the rings on his hand.</p><p>“Do you ever take a break, Enjolras? It’s your sister’s wedding. Besides, it can’t be pleasant for you, staying in that house.”</p><p>Enjolras shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had had this conversation more times, and with more people in his life than he could count.</p><p>“Well, my parents must have forgotten to take me off their will. I can’t just let it sit there. The money could be useful to those who actually need it.”</p><p>Grantaire raise both his hands and let out a short laugh, as if in surrender.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry, I wouldn’t want to keep you from your divine decree.”</p><p>Enjolras threw a balled up paper napkin at him, hitting him square in the nose.</p><p>“So what have you been up to?” he ventured finally, initiating something for the first time since they had sat down.</p><p>“Oh you know, this and that.”</p><p>Enjoras poked him with a spoon, urging him to go on. He had always been able to ramble on and on about everything in the world except himself.</p><p>Grantaire had a soft, nervous smile playing on his face, “I’ve been doing pretty well, art-wise. I’ve had a few showcases- I even came to Paris last year. And I teach at the community college.”</p><p>“You teach art?”</p><p>Grantaire rubbed the back of his neck, “Uh, no. I teach literature.”</p><p>Enjolras felt his mouth curving up. He was sure he had been smiling the entire time since he had sat down.</p><p>“R, that’s brilliant.”</p><p>“Ah, it’s okay. I got an offer to teach Classics in a university in Paris, actually.”</p><p>Enjolras felt himself still. He had never believed in God, but in this moment he was certain there was some cosmic force dedicated to making his life more complicated.</p><p>“Did you accept?”</p><p>Grantaire paused for a long minute. “No.”</p><p>“Why not, that sounds like a brilliant opportunity!”</p><p>“Yeah, well. I’ve got other responsibilities. The twins are still in high school. My parents are getting better at the whole parenting thing, but I don’t trust them enough to leave the kids here with them, you know? Besides, I like it here. It’s quiet. Comfortable.”</p><p>Enjolras tugged at his hair, “But- But R it is what you always wanted to do. You could always take the kids with you. The twins are graduating this year, and Gav and Azelma are in college already.”</p><p>Grantaire grimaced, “Drop it, E.”</p><p>“R, you have to believe in yourself. You are capable of so much more than this. You don’t have to waste- wait no.”</p><p>“What, Enjolras? You don’t want me to waste my potential?” he laughed bitterly, “Four years later you still think I’m useless. Not everyone can flit off to Paris and leave everyone behind, okay? I have people who need me here.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean-“</p><p>“Save it. I thought- I thought after all this time we could get over our differences.”</p><p>“R, no-“</p><p>“Let me guess, you didn’t mean it then either.”</p><p>Enjolras felt a lump forming in his throat. He thought of himself, younger, with a looser lid on his temper saying <em>Would you prefer to spend the rest of your life in this town, and never become anyone, anything, just because you’re terrified of change?</em></p><p>Enjolras opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the shrill ring of Grantaire’s phone. He snatched it up pressing it to his ear with unnecessary force and saying, “What is it?”</p><p>Enjolras watched as the anger melted off of Grantaire’s face, getting replaced by horror.</p><p>“How did that happen? Where are you now?”</p><p>Enjolras pressed his lips together, fighting the fear growing in him at the timber of Grantaire’s voice.</p><p>“Hey,” he said into the phone, his voice soft, despite his eyes being wide and afraid, “It’s going to be okay. I’ll be right there okay.”</p><p>He put his phone down, already standing and putting his jacket on.</p><p>“I- I have to go.”</p><p>“R, hey, what’s wrong?”</p><p>Grantaire looked terrified. “Eponine is in the hospital. I need to go. Fuck, <em>fuck</em> I walked here.”</p><p>Enjolras reached out grabbing his forearm, “Hey, let me drive you.”</p><p>Grantaire nodded without a word. He didn’t say a thing the entire ride over.</p><p>Enjolras clung to the steering wheel as if his life depended on it. Grantaire was wringing his hands, and Enjolras resisted the itch to take his hand of the gear shift and put it on Grantaire’s leg. He couldn’t help the worried glances he kept shooting at him.</p><p>Grantaire loved his siblings like a parent. He raised them. He kept them safe. Enjolras could not imagine the turmoil in his mind, and he hated that he could not ease it in the very least.</p><p>Grantaire entered the ER and Enjolras could not help but stare as Azelma came running to him in a flurry of dark hair and bright clothes.</p><p>The last time he had seen her, she was still in high school, wearing her hair in ponytails and carrying backpacks everywhere. She may have been a woman now, but it was obvious that she was a child to Grantaire, in the way he held her close, one hand at the back of her head as she sobbed.</p><p>“Hey, shush. Zelma, hey, it’s going to be fine.”</p><p>He held her until her sobs faded to soft, hitching breaths. “You remember Enjolras?”</p><p>Azelma looked confused, but nodded anyway.</p><p>“Can you stay with him for a minute?”</p><p>Azelma nodded again, and Enjolras led her to the uncomfortable looking metal chairs bolted to the floor.</p><p>It certainly wasn’t the first time he was spending time with her- Grantaire had never shared the qualms most young people have with introducing their siblings to their friends- but it had been a long time.</p><p>“Enj?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>She was quiet for a long minute before she spoke again.</p><p>“I’m scared.”</p><p>Enjolras felt something inside him break. He raised his arm, allowing her to rest her head on his chest, and he rubbed her arm.</p><p>“She’ll be okay. She’s Eponine. She gets through everything. She’ll be fine.”</p><p>Azelma nodded, sniffling slightly.</p><p>Enjolras watched as Grantaire spoke to the nurse at the desk. He had a deep frown on his face, and he hoped everything was alright. He didn’t even know what had happened.</p><p>Granatire returned, his hair standing wildly around his head with how much he had run his hands through it.</p><p>“Zel? Azelma?”</p><p>He raised her head, looking at him in anticipation. Grantaire looked like he had swallowed a very bitter pill.</p><p>“Ep is fine. She’s gotten patched up, we can take her home in a while. She just passed out because she had lost some blood and she was very dehydrated, okay?”</p><p>Azelma sighed. Enjolras watched as the tension slipped from her thin shoulders.</p><p>“But I need you to go home.”</p><p>Azelma looked up sharply at that, “I’m not leaving her.”</p><p>Grantaire shut his eyes and inhaled slowly.</p><p>“You know we can’t take her back there. I’m going to take her to my apartment. But I need you to get home, and tell them she’s spending the night at mine.”</p><p>Azelma looked conflicted, and Grantaire tucked her hair behind her ear.</p><p>“I need you to look after the kids.”</p><p>She gritted her teeth together, nodding and standing up.</p><p>“Text me when you get home.”</p><p>Grantaire sunk into the seat beside him.</p><p>“You don’t have to stay Enj.”</p><p>Enjolras scoffed, “Are you planning to take her back to your apartment on piggyback?”</p><p>Grantaire smiled, but it was weak, “I’ll figure something out.”</p><p>“Shut up. I’ll take you home. It isn’t a bother. Stop overthinking it.”</p><p>Grantaire scrubbed his face with his hands. “Okay, then.”</p><p>He stood back up, headed into the line of beds separated by curtains. When he returned, he had an arm around Eponine, who looked half asleep even as he held her up.</p><p>“Painkillers,” Grantaire mumbled at Enjolras’ questioning expression.</p><p>Enjolras brought the car out front. He watched through the rear view mirror as Grantaire buckled his sister into the back seat with gentle hands. Neither of them were gentle people. Grantaire pushed the hair that had fallen on her forehead back, watching her for a long moment.</p><p>When Grantaire go into the passenger seat, Enjolras looked resolutely at the road. Grantaire was still glancing back every minute. Eponine was fast asleep, head lolling, and upright only because of the seatbelt. There was a large bandage on her head.</p><p>Grantaire sighed. “I hate seeing her like this.”</p><p>Enjolras glanced at him, unsure what to say but wanting to show that he was listening.</p><p>“But there’s nothing I can do to help. He’s getting married. She’s my baby sister, and her heart is broken and she won’t <em>talk</em> to me about it. And I see her, I see her looking across the room at him. She’s always looking at him. It’s almost as if it’s involuntary.”</p><p>Enjolras felt his chest tightening. He knew what that felt like.</p><p>“And I want to tell her that it gets better with time-“</p><p>“Does it?” Enjolras says, before he can stop himself.</p><p>He can feel Grantaire looking at him, his steady, piercing gaze on his face. He sighs.</p><p>“I guess not.”</p><p>Enjolras quietly cursed himself for speaking. The car was cast with an uncomfortable silence until Enjolras pulled into the curb beside the bakery.</p><p>Enjolras wordlessly got out, already knowing that Grantaire would try to send him away, but also knowing it would be impossible for him to get a completely unconscious Eponine into the building, the elevator, and then the front door, which was certain to be locked.</p><p>Grantaire looked grateful, though he did not say a word, as he put the key in Enjolras’ outstretched hand and rattled off the code to the building before sweeping Eponine up in his arms.</p><p>Enjolras led them inside, helping Grantaire maneuver an armful of fully grown woman into the cramped elevator. Grantaire didn’t seem to be straining under the weight even as Enjolras wiggled the key in the front door and swung it open.</p><p>Grantaire slipped in without speaking, disappearing down the hallway.</p><p>Enjolras felt a little stupid, standing in the doorway, unsure if he would be welcome. The only reason Grantaire was still tolerating his presence despite his disaster at the Musain was because he was worried about his sister.</p><p>The living room was so obviously lived in. Enjolras thought of his own apartment that remained meticulously clean everywhere apart from the bedroom because he was never home long enough to make a mess.</p><p>Grantaire’s home was messy. There were two blankets thrown over the back of the sofa, and a teetering pile of books on one of the end tables. He saw the overheard lights fall sharply over several paintings in different stages of completion.</p><p>This was a <em>home</em>, he thought.</p><p>When Grantaire returned, he looked confused at the sight of Enjolras. He should have left, Enjolras thought, but Grantaire looked at him, eyes glazed over, and tried to smile.</p><p>“Do you want some tea?”</p><p>“Sure,” Enjolras managed to say, trying not to panic, “Uh, can I use the bathroom?”</p><p>“Yeah go ahead, there’s one in my bedroom, first door on the left.”</p><p>Enjolras headed straight for the bathroom, feeling like an intruder in Grantaire’s private space. He looked in the mirror, gripping the sink with both hands.</p><p>This would be okay, it would be fine, he told himself. Yeah, it was true that they hadn’t been left alone together in years, but they were both adults. Enjolras was perfectly capable of self-control and rational thinking.</p><p>He inhaled, keeping his breathing deep and deliberate. His hands were shaking slightly. He gripped the sink tighter. He met his eye in the mirror, realizing he looked a mess.</p><p>Enjolras sighed, turning the tap and splashing his face with icy water.</p><p>This would be just fine.</p><p>When he exited the bathroom, Grantaire was sitting at the edge of his bed, two cups of tea sitting on his nightstand. His eyes were glazed over, and he was staring blankly ahead.</p><p>The idea of fine was swiftly escaping, and Enjolras cursed internally.</p><p>“R?” he said, receiving no response.</p><p>Enjolras knelt in front of him, taking one of his hands in his. There was an uncomfortable voice in his head telling him he was using Grantaire’s emotional state to get closer to him, but Enjolras shook it off.</p><p>Grantaire needed support. Everything else was secondary.</p><p>“Grantaire? Hey, come back to me.”</p><p>When Grantaire’s eyes finally snapped to his, they were brimming with a familiar ache. Enjolras saw it in the mirror every day.</p><p>Enjolras almost spoke, but Grantaire clearly had different ideas, when he leaned forward and pressed their lips together.</p><p>It was like muscle memory. Enjolras’ hands were finally, <em>finally</em> in his hair and he felt like his chest would burst apart with the swelling feeling inside of it. Their mouths moved in tandem, familiar with each other despite the years.</p><p>Enjolras thought of Grantaire at the Musain, and Eponine, one room away and stopped. It took everything in him to untangle his fingers from his hair to place them on his shoulders and push him away.</p><p>Grantaire was looking at him, wild eyes. His mouth was red and wet and Enjolras wanted to cry a little.</p><p>“R, no, you’re upset, you’re not thinking clearly.”</p><p>Grantaire’s brow furrowed. He licked his lips and nodded. He reached over, drinking a large gulp of the tea that was still somehow giving little puffs of steam.</p><p>“I’m going to go, okay,” Enjolras said, standing.</p><p>Grantaire gripped his sleeve, “Don’t- just, I won’t do anything, I promise. Just, just stay the night.”</p><p>Grantaire was gazing up at him, his dark lashes a little wet around his intensely brown eyes. Enjolras had never been good at saying no to him.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah okay.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Enjolras wasn’t sure if he had slept at all. He was in that blissful state between sleep and waking, gazing at Grantaire beside him.</p><p>He thought of the days Grantaire would sneak out and they’d lie on Enjolras’ bed. He would kiss him, on the mouth, on his eyes, his cheeks, his forehead. He would whisper <em>ant-ad-duha, duha’i, ohebbuk.</em></p><p>Enjolras climbed out of bed, his throat tight with emotion. He headed to the living room, hastily putting on his jacket. He wasn’t sure if he should just leave without a word.</p><p>Enjolras spotted a stack of books and papers on the desk stuffed against the wall. It was so overrun with things that he hadn’t even noticed it was there last night. Grantaire’s laptop stood open on it, and Enjolras mindlessly ran his fingers over the touchpad.</p><p>The screen lit up, and Enjolras felt a little resigned that the feeling of being an interloper in Grantaire’s life was starting to become a constant ache.</p><p>He tried to avert his eyes, but the words Classics and Literature caught his eye. Grantaire had written the email accepting to go give an interview, but he had never sent it.</p><p>Enjolras scanned the page, a little bubble of guilt growing in his chest. He flexed his fingers. This was a bad idea. Grantaire would be so angry.</p><p>But he sold himself short so often. Enjolras could already see him at the front of a classroom. Even when they were studying, younger students often approached him with questions. He was endlessly patient, entirely dedicated to explaining something he loved.</p><p>Enjolras hit send.</p><p>He was still hunting for a piece of paper when he heard the door open.</p><p>“Enjolras?”</p><p>Grantaire’s voice was sleep rough, but entirely alert.</p><p>“Hey!” Enjolras’ voice had gotten very, very high, “I was just going to leave you a note.”</p><p>Grantaire looked at him, and then looked down, breathing deeply.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Grantaire laughed gratingly at that.</p><p>“Enjoras, I’m sorry about last night. That was totally out of line-“</p><p>“You were upset, it’s fine-“</p><p>Grantaire winced, “No, no it isn’t. You shouldn’t have been here in the first place. I shouldn’t have dragged you to the hospital. That was…inappropriate of me.”</p><p>Enjolras watched as Grantaire tugged at one of his curls, making a frustrated noise.</p><p>“I’m sorry about everything that happened. You really didn’t need to do all that for me, and I’m sorry I put you in a position that made you feel like you did.”</p><p>He wasn’t looking at Enjolras. His eyes were downcast and unsure and Enjolras’ chest ached at the sight of him.</p><p>“Grantaire.”</p><p>He looked up, slightly over his shoulder, a trick he used to use when he was having a hard time maintaining eye contact. <em>That only happens when he is very anxious or afraid</em>, Enjolras’ mind chimed in.</p><p>“Grantaire. I’m going to say something to you. And it isn’t going to change anything okay? After I’m done we can go back to replying to each other’s instagram stories once every three months and wishing each other on birthdays, okay?”</p><p>Grantaire nodded, his mouth twisted unhappily.</p><p>When Enjolras spoke, the honesty felt unfamiliar on his tongue.</p><p>“There is very, very little I wouldn’t do for you. To keep you safe. And happy. Whatever happens, even if we haven’t spoken in ages, if you are in a tight spot, you know my number. I will always be here for you.”</p><p>Enjolras firmly ignored the stinging in his eyes, and the stricken look on Grantaire’s face.</p><p>“Goodbye, R,” he said, and left the apartment.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ant-ad-duha, duha’i, ohebbuk: you are the dawn, my dawn. I love you</p><p>kudos, comments, share, please make me finish this fic ily &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi, thanks for sticking around :))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cosette’s hair was smooth under Enjolras’ fingers. He twisted it into loose braids, admiring how well the navy blue strands suited the blonde of her hair.</p><p>He met her eye in the mirror. Jehan had done her makeup and the gold lining her eyes made them look a brilliant green.</p><p>“You look beautiful.”</p><p>She smiled, her entire face lighting up. She handed him the first of many flowers Jehan had left to put in her hair. She lightly touched the corner of her eye.</p><p>“They’re good at this.”</p><p>“You should have asked them to do your hair too,” Enjolras said, feeling a little out of depth doing her hair. It had been a long time since he had to deal with hair that long.</p><p>Cosette caught his hand instead of handing him the next flower. She tangled their fingers together the way she used to when he had first started living with them and he’d crawl into her bed at night, trying to hide how his face was sticky with tears.</p><p>“I wanted you to do it.”</p><p>Cosette’s face was earnest in a way that made him think of Valjean.</p><p>Enjolras felt something warm in his chest. “You’re a fucking sap.”</p><p>She laughed, her eyes softening. Enjolras bent to press a kiss to the top of her head as light as he could, trying not to mess it up too much.</p><p>Enjolras placed another flower in her hair. He didn’t know what flowers were called, but they were three different kinds and it seemed like Jehan had wanted a small bouquet on Cosette’s head. He twisted the rest of her hair into a bun, arranging the flowers around it with dexterity he didn’t know he had.</p><p>“It’s not much, but I think I’m done,” he said, tugging at a few strands to make it fall around her face.</p><p>“What are you talking about about, I’m going for the messy, unhinged bride look.”</p><p>Enjolras swatted at her shoulder and she giggled. “I’m kidding, oh my god. I think it looks nice. I really like the flowers.”</p><p>“That was all Jehan.”</p><p>“They weren’t the one who put it in my hair.”</p><p>Enjolras shrugged.</p><p>She was gazing at him through the mirror. Cosette looking at him with such attention was never a good thing. She had always been annoyingly perceptive.</p><p>Even when they were younger and he’d have trouble sleeping, she always knew what was on his mind.</p><p><em>You like him, don’t you</em>, she had said once, as they lay on her bed a little past midnight, waiting for their eyes to adjust so they could see the mural on the ceiling.</p><p><em>No I don’t</em>, he had said, glad for the near darkness so she couldn’t see him blush, <em>Grantaire annoys me, that’s all. </em></p><p>She had laughed, twining their fingers together. Right before he drifted off he heard her speak.</p><p><em>I never said who I was talking about</em>.</p><p>Three months later when he told her they were dating she had ruffled his hair and said, <em>I knew it</em>.</p><p>Cosette stood, letting the length of her gown that she had gathered onto her lap tumble to the floor. She held up his suit jacket that he had taken off before he had begun doing her hair. He let her slide it onto his shoulders, smoothing it down and spinning him around to face her.</p><p>“I want you to walk me down the aisle.”</p><p>Enjolras felt his eyes go wide, “Val-“</p><p>“Papa will be there too. I want both of you to be there.”</p><p>Family had been a fickle word for a long time for him. But he looked at Cosette and tried not to cry. Enjolras’ cheeks were hurting from how hard he was smiling. He sniffled and made a pathetically whiny noise.</p><p>“It’s not fair, I can’t hug you, I’ll crumple your dress and then Jehan will kill me.”</p><p>Cosette laughed, pretending her eyes weren’t damp too. “You’ll just have to wait till after the ceremony.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Enjolras was fairly sure he would have burst into tears if the aisle had been any longer, but Cosette had safely reached the end of it, and Combeferre was squeezing his hand and Enjolras felt the lump in his throat ease.</p><p>Courfeyrac was wearing the widest smile he had ever seen. Enjolras thought to himself that if anyone saw Courfeyrac in that moment, they would have no doubt that it was his wedding.</p><p>Enjolras had always admired that about him, how he was so wholly involved in anyone’s joy and sorrow. How no one he loved ever had the room to feel alone, because Courfeyrac would celebrate every win and stand with you through every loss.</p><p>Combeferre tugged him in the direction of the chairs, and Enjolras followed blindly, momentarily losing his bearings.</p><p>Enjolras smiled at the barely concealed hushed whispers. His friends were not a quiet bunch. He could tell each voice from the other.</p><p>He heard Grantaire suppress a laugh. Enjolras knew exactly where he was sitting. He always knew where he was in a room. He kept his eyes from wandering too far in the direction.</p><p>Grantaire had met his eye when he had entered, hair tied into a careful topknot and wearing a deep green shimmering shirt. He had looked away immediately, a tight smile on his face.</p><p>Enjolras was not looking at him. He really wasn’t. He hadn’t been looking at him the entire time he waited by the door, his face lighting up when a redheaded woman showed up and threw her arms around him.</p><p>He snapped back to reality when he felt a hand tugging his hand away from his mouth.</p><p>“No biting your nails!” Joly’s voice was quiet, but strict.</p><p>Enjolras ground his teeth together and relented. He resisted the urge to turn to look at Grantaire. He leaned over to whisper in Joly’s ear.</p><p>“Who’s the redhead?”</p><p>Enjolras winced at how sharp his tone was, especially since Joly just looked confused.</p><p>“What redhead?” he said, looking around, ”Oh you mean R’s date?”</p><p>Joly threw him an apologetic look right after her said it and Enjolras waved his hand dismissively. He hoped he was conveying the neutral, casual look he was going for, but he doubted it.</p><p>“That’s Floreal. She used to work at the café, and now she teaches art at the youth center. R got her to take his place after he got too busy with the college.”</p><p>Enjolras thought with mounting horror of the kiss they had shared in Grantaire’s bedroom. “Is she- is she his girlfriend?”</p><p>Joly was looking at him with a terrible softness in his eyes, and Enjolras hated it. He hated how every time anyone spoke of Grantaire, they looked at him like they were afraid he would break.</p><p>“No,” Joly said, finally, “She isn’t his girlfriend.”</p><p>Joly looked wary, and Enjolras was beginning to get annoyed at the eggshells everyone around him kept walking on. He wasn’t a child. People got their hearts broken all the time, his wasn’t a unique story.</p><p>“But?” Enjolras knew there was something he wasn’t being told.</p><p>Joly scratched his cheek and made a face Enjolras could not decipher, “Uh, this is sort of their first date? Weddings are usually a weird first date but they’ve known each other for ages and they paint together all the time, so R figured it would be okay.”</p><p><em>Oh</em>, Enjolras thought.</p><p>On the nights his mind was feeling particularly cruel, he had thought about it. The idea of Grantaire dating, kissing people, falling in love.</p><p>He wasn’t sure why it felt like such a shock now that it was happening in real life.</p><p>Enjolras was starting to understand why they always looked at him like he was going to break. There was certainly something breaking inside him now.</p><p>“Enj?” Joly’s voice was soft as ever.</p><p>“Good. Good for him. I’m sure they’ll be great together. I was never very good at appreciating the painting stuff anyway.”</p><p>Enjolras winced at the sound of his own voice.</p><p>Joly opened his mouth as if to speak but Enjolras shook his head and he snapped it shut. Instead, he placed a hand on his knee, and Enjolras deflated. Joly rubbed his thumb over his knee, and Enjolras did what he could not to think about it too much.</p><p>This was fine. This would be fine.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Enjolras was nursing his drink. A virgin drink, he had decided upon. Well, Combeferre had decided it for him, but if anyone asked he said he had decided it was best to keep his wits about him for the night. Especially since Grantaire had let his hair loose after the ceremony, and if the past few days were any indication, Enjolras wasn’t particularly good at self-control.</p><p>“Hey there, lover boy.”</p><p>Enjolras turned as Eponine slipped into the bar stool next to him. She stole the drink from his hand, taken a small sip. She scowled spectacularly, thrusting the glass back in his hand.</p><p>She turned to the bartender, ordering a whiskey.</p><p>“If you’re going to pine, at least do it in style.”</p><p>“I’m not pining.”</p><p>“And I’m a happy and cheerful person,” she said, deadpan.</p><p>Enjolras sighed. “I don’t want to do anything dumb today.”</p><p>“I definitely do,” Eponine said, pointedly eyeing a man wearing a top hat.</p><p>He was unfamiliar, but strikingly dressed. Enjolras supposed someone might find him attractive if they were into brooches and waistcoats.</p><p>He laughed, although it didn’t sound too happy. “How have you been, Eponine?”</p><p>“Eh,” she mumbled, thanking the bartender and taking her drink, “Mediocre. Your sister is annoyingly nice for someone I’m trying to hate.”</p><p>Enjolras smiled. “You haven’t even eaten her cookies yet.”</p><p>Eponine sipped at her drink in her hands. She was quiet.</p><p>Being quiet did not suit her too well.</p><p>Enjoras followed her line of sight to where Cosette and Marius were doing a half drunk, stumbling attempt at a dance. Cosette was dipping Marius, and Enjolras wondered if someone would catch them when they inevitably tumbled to the ground. Cosette was smiling and she bowed her head, touching their foreheads together.</p><p>Eponine lowered her gaze sharply. Enjolras looked at the firm clench of her jaw, at her hair that was shaved on the sides. For someone who radiated the idea that she was tough, Eponine looked awfully small.</p><p>“How do you do it?”</p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>She made a frustrated sound, “You know, cope. Deal with it. Get over them. Whatever.”</p><p>Enjolras shot her a bitter smile. “I don’t think I’m the right person to ask that to. Maybe you should ask your brother,” he added, a little bitter.</p><p>Eponine laughed at that. She threw her head back, finishing her drink in one go.</p><p>“You know what,” she said, standing up and straightening her deep red suit, “I’m tired of this party. I think I’m going to go home. See you around, E.”</p><p>He smiled as she walked away, stopping only to say no more than a few sentences to the man she’d been eyeing, and then letting him follow her out the door.</p><p>Enjolras kept his eyes trained on the door as long as he could. The door was a neutral thing. It was safe. It had no potential of looking at him with really intense eyes and sending him into a spiral.</p><p>He couldn’t look at the door forever.</p><p>Enjolras’ eyes landed on Grantaire like an inevitability. He sipped at his drink, regretting his decision to be sober for the night just a little more than he had an hour ago. Maybe this would be easier if he couldn’t remember it. He gnawed at the inside of his cheek. This was Cosette’s night and he wasn’t about to ruin it.</p><p>Grantaire was at the edge of the dance floor, slipping Floreal’s heels off of her feet while smiling up at her. He stood, sticking a hand out for her to take and dragging her towards him, already moving to the rhythm.</p><p>Grantaire was a vision under the lights. His hair was falling over his shoulders, now that it was no longer securely tied up, and it was starting to frizz and stand around his head like a halo. Enjolras dug his fingers into his knee and thought of what his hair felt like in his hands. He was laughing, holding her close as they swayed to the music.</p><p>The lights had been dimmed, but if Enjolras focused, he could see the dimple on his left cheek. He had always been quite the dancer.</p><p><em>Let the music flow through you, mon ange, </em>he would say, even though Enjolras would step on his feet and stumble over his own.</p><p>And now he was there, spinning her around as her auburn hair swung in a long braid down her back. Enjolras could not tear his eyes away.</p><p>He wished he could. He wished he had, because that was the moment Grantaire decided to dip down and capture her lips in his.</p><p>Enjolras stilled. He had his hand pressed against the small of her back.</p><p>Enjolras felt like the room had gone quiet, but that couldn’t be true, could it? They would not just stop the music in the middle of the party. He placed his glass down on the bar.</p><p>He needed to get away, he needed to find somewhere else to be. Enjolras stood without thinking of it, aimlessly walking in the direction of the darkest hallway he could see. He felt his eyes stinging and he bit down viciously on his lip. He would not cry.</p><p>He would not cry over this four whole years after he broke it off with the most incredible person he knew. He would not cry because he was the one who broke up anyway. He would not cry because Grantaire was fine, he was okay and he was happy and that was what really mattered, right?</p><p>By the time he was slipping into the bathroom and pressing his back against the door he knew he had played the kiss in his head more times than he could count.</p><p>He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe.</p><p>He remembered Grantaire looking up at him with anguished, angry eyes and saying, <em>People like you, Apollo, people like you who are smart and kind and incredible and so so beautiful. You’re going to move on. You will get over this and forget all about me but Enj, Enjolras, baby, I will never stop loving you. I could never love anyone else.</em></p><p>Enjolras let his head fall on the door behind him with a thunk and gave in.</p><p>The tears were hot and shameful on his cheeks and he felt like his sobs were being wrenched out of him. It was loud and he could hear the sound of it echoing back to him.</p><p>He curled his hand in a fist and hit the door behind him, choking on a sob.</p><p>
  <em>I will never stop loving you. </em>
</p><p>Enjolras made a hysterical sound.</p><p>“Liar.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you all for all the love you've been showing me &lt;33333</p><p>thanks to you guys this might actually become the first multichapter thing i finish</p><p>kudos and comment, let me know if you liked this!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wheee it's jehan time</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Enjolras sat up in bed with a groan. He wasn’t entirely sure when he got in, or stumbled out of his jacket and trousers, or fell asleep, but he was sure it wasn’t at an appropriate time. His curtains were wide open, he hadn’t thought to shut them before crawling into bed and it was letting blindingly bright light in.</p><p>Enjolras’ head was throbbing. He had a vivid memory of Joly loudly announcing <em>children, remember to drink loads of water if you’re going to cry yourself to sleep</em> when their finals week in their first year of university had begun. He had then proceeded to chug a bottle of vodka.</p><p>Enjolras walked to the kitchen blearily, gulping two full glasses of water before sagging against the counter. He thumbed the hem of the pretty maroon short Cosette had insisted he wore to the wedding.</p><p>He filled another glass and sipped at it, slower this time.</p><p>It had been a long time since he had allowed himself to think about this, to feel this. His eyes ached. He inhaled shakily, putting the glass in the sink.</p><p>He was going to pull himself together.</p><p>There were very few things Enjolras had missed from his family home after he had been thrown out. It had been a frigid place. Although it had been heartbreaking, it wasn’t unexpected, what they had done.</p><p>One thing Enjolras did miss was this showerhead. He bowed his head and let the water fall against his scalp and inhaled with a shudder. He washed himself as quickly as he could, unwilling to lose the fight with his fatigue and stop midway.</p><p>Enjolras sat down and pressed his forehead to his knees. It had been a while since he had felt this bad. He hadn’t missed the feeling.</p><p>The water was still falling, over his head, his shoulders, pooling around him where he sat. it was slowing cooling and Enjolras knew he should get out. He knew this.</p><p>The water was getting icy, and Enjolras tangled his fingers into his hair. He pressed at his scalp, trying to ease the pain in his head away.</p><p>The doorbell rang, echoing through the halls of the house.</p><p>Enjolras cursed softly, nearly slipping on the tile floor when reaching for a towel. He wrapped it around his waist, and made his way down the stairs, still muttering grumpily. He hoped it wasn’t the cranky old lady who lived two houses away and kept telling him <em>you used to be so pretty, I don’t know why you would try to change that. </em></p><p>Enjolras kept a tight grip on his towel as he cracked open the door, sticking his head in the gap.</p><p>Jehan Prouvaire looked radiant. Enjolras was yet to check the time, but he knew no one should look that put together so early.</p><p>Well, put together was a stretch. Jehan never looked put together, not in the way people said it. They always looked as if they had waded through every era, picking and choosing what they like best about it, regardless of how well it went with the rest of it.</p><p>They looked stunning.</p><p>“Well?” they said, “Are you just going to stand there dripping all over the mat?”</p><p>Enjolras sputtered, opening the door and letting them in.</p><p>“Jehan,” Enjolras tried to manage a smile, despite the steady drumbeat behind his eyes, “What brings you here?”</p><p>They lifted one hand, which was carrying an overflowing amount of craft supplies.</p><p>“Feuilly said he liked my dangly sword earrings so we’re going to make some for him. And everyone else.”</p><p>Enjolras continued to stare.</p><p>“What? I like earrings.”</p><p>Enjolras nodded without a word. He was sure it would have made sense to him if he had not woken up feeling a little dead.</p><p>“Have you eaten yet?” Jehan added.</p><p>Enjolras shook his head. He was beginning to feel a bit like a doll.</p><p>Jehan beamed, raising their other hand, which was holding a paper bag.</p><p>“Good thing I brought croissants.”</p><p>Enjolras was gaping. He followed Jehan as they made their way to the kitchen, putting both bags on the counter. Jehan had never been to this house. He wasn’t sure how they just seemed to know the layout, but he decided it was unwise to ask questions.</p><p>“Enjolras, darling, you’re very pretty but you’re going to have to put on some clothes before breakfast.”</p><p>Enjolras blushed, spreading from his chest to his ears, and Jehan smiled kindly at him.</p><p>“Go, get something on. I’ll make some coffee.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>By the time Enjolras was sitting at the giant wooden table in the middle of the kitchen, tearing a croissant apart and getting flakes all over himself, he still wasn’t sure what was going on. He drank his coffee, watching as Jehan pulled a variety of molds from their bag.</p><p>“I’m going to let you make the daisies because they’re so easy and also because I don’t want to hit you today.”</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>Jehan smiled, tossing him packs of white and yellow polymer clay.</p><p>Enjolras popped the last bit of the croissant in his mouth, dusting off his hands. “Okay, how do I do this?”</p><p>Jehan looked appalled. “First you wash your hands, you animal.”</p><p>Enjolras laughed, feeling suddenly light.</p><p>He headed for the sink, deliberately washing his hands for an abnormally long time, keeping his eyes on Jehan the entire time. They did not break eye contact.</p><p>He dried his hands of, taking his seat again.</p><p>“Okay. Now what do I do?”</p><p>Enjolras watched rapt attention as Jehan cut and pressed the clay into the little molds, their voice almost melodic in how calm it was. They took the earring out of the mold gently and held it up to show Enjolras.</p><p>“Look!” they said, putting it down and taking the earring they had on off, “This is how it’ll look when it’s all done.”</p><p>Enjolras smiled, “It’s very pretty.”</p><p>Jehan looked delighted, the highlight on their cheekbones glinting.</p><p>Enjolras did the work quietly. He let it fill his mind. White, yellow, while, yellow, white. He gritted his teeth. He could focus on the earrings. He did not need to think about last night. He <em>should not</em> think about last night.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>Enjolras snapped his head up, looking wide eyed at Jehan. Jehan sighed and looked back down at the intricate sword design they were making.</p><p>“I saw you leave last night. In the middle of the dancing. No one just disappears for half an hour for no reason, Enj.”</p><p>Enjolras stared at the table. Jehan took his hand in theirs and squeezed it softly.</p><p>“I’m not here to ask you questions or make assumptions, okay? I’m here because I love you and I know you’re hurting and I want to make sure you know you aren’t alone.”</p><p>Enjolras felt a shiver go through him as he squeezed Jehan’s had back. There were so many questions battling for dominance in his mind and Enjolras felt a little like everything was just going to come spilling out of him.</p><p>“Is he happy?” he asked, finally.</p><p>Jehan’s mouth curved in a wry smile.</p><p>“What do you mean Enjolras?”</p><p>Enjolras shrugged. He knew there was no question of who he was talking about.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he said, but Jehan was watching him with those kind eyes and he felt something fall apart inside him, “I don’t know. I just- after all this. After everything we’ve gotten through. After how much I- I just think…it would be all worth it if he was happy.”</p><p>“And what about you? Don’t you get to be happy?”</p><p>Enjolras looked down sharply. “I’m the one who broke up with him.”</p><p>Jehan tugged at his hand until he looked up at them.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean it didn’t break your heart, too.”</p><p>Jehan swiped a thumb over his knuckles. “You never talk about it. You never say a word. You’re so afraid that we’d be mad at you for hurting our friend that it’s like you’ve forgotten that <em>you</em> are our friend too. Enjolras, love, do you want to tell me what it feels like?”</p><p>Enjolras felt like he was trembling all over. “It’s always there,” he said.</p><p>Jehan gave him an encouraging smile.</p><p>“It’s like…I don’t know how to explain it. I have you guys, I have the most amazing friends in the world. I have Valjean and Cosette. I have the nicest boss ever and everything is good, you know? So maybe I work too much and I forget to text back and skip meals sometimes, but everything is <em>good.</em>”</p><p>Enjolras took a long, shaking breath. “Except it’s always there. It always hurts. I always want to be near him, to talk to him, to touch him.”</p><p>Enjolras shakes his head, letting out a bark of hysterical laughter, “It’s been <em>four years</em>. There is not a single day that goes by when I don’t see something that reminds me of him. I can’t- I can’t not look at him when he’s in the room. And yeah he’s so beautiful but that’s not why.”</p><p>Enjolras drags a hand through his hair, pulling at it a little. “I have no idea when I’ll get to see him again. I play these memories in my head. I go about my day. I do my fucking work and drink the shitty coffee from the break room and I try to make the world a better place.”</p><p>“When Grantaire and I first met he asked me if I had ever been in love. I told him I didn’t believe in love. He asked me what I wanted to save the world for then. <em>After you’ve done it, you know, achieved world peace or whatever, what are you going to do then? What is it you’re fighting for?”</em></p><p>Enjolras stopped, wringing his hands together.</p><p>“Enjolras, I’m not going to judge you, okay?”</p><p>Enjolras smiled shakily. “When I left it seemed like a small price to pay. I wanted to save the world and sure, if I didn’t get to be happy, that’s okay. It’s a small sacrifice. But it never stops hurting. I’ll have a couple of good days, a week, maybe and I think, yes, this time it’s gone for sure. I think I’ve finally gotten over the man who probably doesn’t even think of me anymore. But then I see a dancer at the train station and it’s back. I love him just as much and it is just as painful.”</p><p>He closed his eyes against the stinging of it. “I’m just…tired. For so long I thought that maybe this was my punishment for breaking his heart. But no. No because that is such a horribly ugly thing to paint upon it. No because I’m done punishing myself.”</p><p>“I want to be loved. I want him to love me, but I’m in no position to ask for it. It’s too farfetched anyway. I just- I just don’t want to hurt anymore.”</p><p>Jehan slipped out of their seat. They came around the table pulling Enjolras close. Enjolras wrapped his hands around their waist, burying his head in their stomach. If they had noticed his wet yes. They had said nothing.</p><p>“Let’s move this to the couch, okay?”</p><p>Enjolras nodded without a work, allowing Jehan to tug him in the direction of the living room. They pulled Enjolras onto it, putting on a movie about cartoon fairies.</p><p>Jehan sat on the couch extending their legs and maneuvering Enjolras until they had both arms around him.</p><p>They watched the fairies in silence. Enjolras kept his arms around Jehan, trying to be quiet.</p><p>Enjolras settled into the space Jehan had created, resting his head on their chest. He exhaled softly.</p><p>It had been a while that they had been sitting there when Jehan spoke.</p><p>“Can I say something?”</p><p>Enjolras looked at them, puzzled, but nodded.</p><p>“I’ve known R my entire life. I’ve seen him moon eyed and start struck and dazzled over and over again. Enjolras, I have never seen him be like he was with you with anyone else. He’s dated other people after you, but since you left, I haven’t seen him put his heart and soul into caring for someone and doing dumb shit to make them happy. I have never seen him love anyone like him loved you.”</p><p>Enjolras squeezed his eyes shut.</p><p>“You can’t.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You can’t <em>say</em> things like that. Do you know how careful I am about not thinking about that?”</p><p>“Enj,” Jehan whispered, “Maybe you don’t have to stop yourself from thinking about that anymore.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Enjolras had wiped this counter down thrice. He hadn’t made anything that required the scouring he had given it, but ne needed something to do.</p><p><em>Just think about what I said, okay?</em> Jehan had said just before they left.</p><p>As if Enjolras could do anything else but think about it, after spending years repressing that single thought.</p><p>Enjolras jumped at the sound of his phone ringing. He straightened up, hoping his voice didn’t give away that he almost slipped and brained himself on the kitchen floor, he answered the phone without glancing at it.</p><p>“Hello?’</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Enjolras knew that voice anywhere. Grantaire sounded exhausted.</p><p>“Grnataire? Are you okay?”</p><p>Grantaire made a noise, a little choked up. “Remember when you said that I should call you if I’m in a tight spot.”</p><p>“Of course I do, R, what’s going on?”</p><p>“Do you have room to house six people for a night?”</p><p>“Yeah, the manor is empty except for me. Of course I’ve got room for you.”</p><p>Grantaire laughed, and Enjolras could hear the relief in it.</p><p>“That’s a good thing because I’m outside your door.”</p><p>Enjolras rushed to the front door, phone still pressed to his ear. There was an icy fear inside him. He knew Grantaire would not have done this until something was really, really wrong. Enjolras quietly hoped that he was not hurt.</p><p>He threw open the door.</p><p>Grantaire stood there with Eponine next to him, both carrying duffel bags. Gavroche, behind them had his hand wrapped around Elodie’s. Grantaire was holding Louis in a terrifying protective grip. Louis had a black eye.</p><p>“Hey there, Apollo,” Grantaire said, smiling, “Fancy seeing you here.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you guys for all the love<br/>we're almost done!!!!</p><p>comment, kudos, share &lt;3333</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Last chapter you guys!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Enjolras knew his eyes were very, very wide at the moment. He knew he should do something, say something. He had no idea what to do. He opened his mouth with purpose.</p><p>“Fuck,” Enjolras said, before slapping a hand on his mouth.</p><p>“They’re seventeen, Enjolras, you can swear.”</p><p>Grantaire was smiling, but he sounded exhausted. Enjolras moved to the side, gesturing for them to come inside. Enjolras took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts.</p><p>“Okay, okay. This is going to be fine. Does anyone need to go to the ER?”</p><p>Gavroche shook his head, while Louis looked up to say, “I’m just a little bruised.”</p><p>“You should take a look at R’s hands though,” Eponine muttered, uncharacteristically subdued.</p><p>Enjolras shifted his gaze, noticing for the first time how Grantaire’s knuckles were spit and an angry red.</p><p>“It’s nothing,” Grantaire said, moving his hands behind his back and Enjolras frowned.</p><p>“Okay, fine. Let’s get you all somewhere to rest. Follow me.”</p><p>The manor had many bedrooms, most that had gone unused as far as Enjolras had known. He let his feet carry him to the ones closest to his own.</p><p>“I don’t know if you’d want to sleep separately, but there’s enough room. Or I could just get another mattress in here.”</p><p>Enjolras looked around. There were no responses.</p><p>“Uh…” Enjolras foundered, “There’s a bathroom through there.”</p><p>The silence was starting to get eerie.</p><p>“Have any of you eaten anything?”</p><p>The twins, who had settled on the bed and were clinging together, shook their heads.</p><p>“Okay,” Enjolras pulled his phone out, “I’m going to order some pizza. Grantaire, come with me, I need to get your hands cleaned.”</p><p>Enjolras left with Grantaire wordlessly trailing after him.</p><p>“Give a minute, let me just place this order.”</p><p>Grantaire nodded. Enjolras led him to his bedroom.</p><p>Enjolras had not expected Eponine to come storming in.</p><p>“Are fucking nuts?”</p><p>“Ep-“ Grantaire looked apologetic and Enjolras really wished he knew what was going on.</p><p>“No, don’t fucking start-“</p><p>“Stop,” Enjolras said, willing his voice to be commanding. If he could do it during protests he could do it in his bedroom while his ex-boyfriend and his sister had an argument, “Stop. First, R, come with me.”</p><p>Enjolras went to the bathroom, getting the first aid kit from under the sink. He pointed at the counter, “Sit.”</p><p>Grantaire hopped on without complaint.</p><p>Enjolras got out a clean washcloth, wetting it. He took it to Grantaire, waiting for him to nod before he began cleaning the wound.</p><p>“Eponine, you can continue now.”</p><p>“Thanks, asshole,” she turned to Grantaire, “What the fuck were you thinking?”</p><p>“He hit Louis.” Grantaire’s voice was steady, “You know the only reason they were still there is because they stopped laying a hand on them after the two of us.”</p><p>Enjolras filled a bowl with water, dipping Grantaire’s hand in it and rubbing the crusted blood off.</p><p>“Please, that was so far beyond just protecting Louis, look at your hands!” Eponine’s hair was sticking up in different directions.</p><p>Grantaire ground his teeth together so hard that Enjolras could hear it.</p><p>“Would you prefer if I just stood there?”</p><p>“You didn’t just get between them, you beat dad half to death.”</p><p>Grantaire stood, his eyes blazing, “He lay his fucking hands on my-“</p><p>“You are <em>not</em> their father, Grantaire.”</p><p>Grantaire stilled, looking like he had been struck. Enjolras put one hand on his chest, pushing him back until he was leaning on the counter. He turned to look at her.</p><p>“That’s enough, Eponine. I suggest you cool off, help yourself to anything in the kitchen. If you still want to yell at him you can do it after I’m done bandaging his hands.”</p><p>Eponine’s shoulders were drawn, and she looked thunderous. But Enjolras knew her. She had thought two of her brothers were in danger today. She was still coming down from the shock of it.</p><p>When they were alone in the bathroom, Grantaire sighed, all the earlier fury having left him. He got back onto the counter and let Enjolras disinfect the cuts on his knuckles.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” He sounded defeated.</p><p>When Enjolras looked up, he wouldn’t meet his eyes.</p><p>“Hey, you have nothing to apologize for, okay?”</p><p>“I would have gone to my apartment, or Joly’s or Jehan’s but I really can’t have them finding me before I know what I’m going to do. I thought of what you said that day and I came here because, well-“</p><p>“Because no one would think to look for you here.”</p><p>Grantaire nodded, a little sheepish.</p><p>Enjolras taped of the end of the bandage and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad you came here.”</p><p>Grantaire smiled, and it was a worn, nostalgic thing. Enjolras sat down on the edge of the tub, suddenly a little weak in the knees.</p><p>“You’ve always been this steady, unwavering force. When shit would get bad. When I was hurt and I really, really needed to be away. On the days I would sneak out. You were always there. Always there with just what I needed. I don’t think you even realize that you were keeping me afloat for so long, when things were so bad and I was so, so scared that the kids would get hurt.”</p><p>Grantaire looked at Enjolras, his eyes impossibly soft, “Look at you now. Same old Enjolras. Opening his doors to every sob story that crosses his path.”</p><p>“You’re not a sob story,” Enjolras said, feeling something sharp in his chest.</p><p>“No,” Grantaire looked thoughtful, “No, I’m not. But I used to be. I was, for a long time. I’m better now, but that doesn’t change the fact that you were there for me during my darkest years.”</p><p>Enjolras felt his cheeks heating, “R-“</p><p>The doorbell rang, the reverberating sound jarring in the idyllic quiet of the bathroom.</p><p>“That’s probably the pizza. Could you go get the others?”</p><p>“Sure,” Grantaire said, hopping off the counter.</p><p>By the time Enjolras got the pizza inside, Gavroche and Azelma were already sprawled on the couch, while the twins lounged on the rug. Grantaire was sitting cross legged on the rug, trying not to make it obvious that he kept looking at Louis. Enjolras smiled. He was glad they were comfortable.</p><p>“Where’s Eponine?”</p><p>He wasn’t sure what Gavroche’s mouth was full of, but he spoke through it anyway, “She’s in the balcony. Cigarette break. The balcony is so cool!”</p><p>He placed the pizza boxes down on the coffee table, “Alright, I’m going to go get some plates. Does anyone want anything to drink?”</p><p>Enjolras heard a volley of juice and soda, but he wasn’t sure who said what. He shrugged, heading to the kitchen anyway.</p><p>“Apollo,” Grantaire had jumped up and come to stand beside him, “I’ll come with you, you won’t be able to carry all of it anyway.”</p><p>Enjolras was smiling. He wasn’t sure why he was smiling. Grantaire was close enough that he could feel the heat from him, but they did not touch.</p><p>Enjolras pulled a set of plates out, and headed for the fridge.</p><p>“Want anything? Beer? Wine?”</p><p>Grantaire looked taken aback for a moment, before his face melted into realization.</p><p>“Uh, actually,” he had a small, shy smile on his face, “I’ve been sober for two years.”</p><p>Enjolras thought of the number of times he had gotten calls in the first few months after the breakup, most of which was just incoherent words and crying. He couldn’t put his thoughts into words.</p><p>He reached over, squeezing Grantaire’s shoulder with a smile. He put a can of coke in his hand.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Enjolras groggily made his way into the kitchen. He was a passable cook, no longer the kitchen hazard he used to be when he was in university, but he had never made breakfast for so many people before.</p><p>Enjolras had just started mixing the batter for crepes, when Grantaire came downstairs. They had all opted to stay in one bedroom at night, preferring to drag another mattress in.</p><p>Grantaire was holding his laptop, still sleep rumpled with his hair in disarray.</p><p>“Good morning, Apollo.”</p><p>“Morning, Grantaire. Coffee?”</p><p>Grantaire smiled and nodded, and Enjolras began brewing a large batch of coffee. The others would be awake soon enough.</p><p>Enjolras could hear Grantaire muttering to himself as he worked and Enjolras bit back a fond smile.</p><p>“That can’t be right.” Grantaire mumbled, “I never replied to them, how could they have snt me a date.”</p><p>Enjolras went very still. He wasn’t sure if he was breathing. He couldn’t see Grantaire from where he was standing facing the stove, and he was immensely glad that Grantaire could not see his face. He had never been too good at concealing his emotions.</p><p>“Enjolras, are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, yep, fine.”</p><p>It took Grantaire all of thirsty seconds to piece it all together. His odd behavior the other morning. The insistence that it was a good idea, all of it.</p><p>“What the <em>fuck </em>Enjolras?”</p><p>“I know, I know, I was out of line,” Enjolras had spun around.</p><p>Grantaire looked more bewildered than angry. But the anger was certainly there.</p><p>“Out of line? We hadn’t had a real conversation in three and a half years, what the fuck made you think you could make a huge life decision for me?”</p><p>There was a sinking feeling inside Enjolras’ chest.</p><p>“I fucked up, okay, and I’m so, so sorry. But R, the position is perfect for you. In Paris you’ll have access to the best galleries.”</p><p>“You know what, you’re right. This could have been a great opportunity. But that was not your fucking decision to make.”</p><p>Grantaire stood, turning to leave and Enjolras felt a jolt of panic go through him. He grabbed Grantaire’s sleeve.</p><p>“Please don’t leave.”</p><p>Grantaire’s jaw was still clenched, but as it always was, his anger was quick to arrive and quick to leave.</p><p>“What the fuck, Enj?” his voice was worn and confused.</p><p>Enjolras tugged at him until he was back sitting on the counter.</p><p>“I know I have no leg to stand on here, alright. But Grantaire, come to Paris.”</p><p>“Enjolras, you know why I can’t do that, we’ve had this conversation so many times. Christ, I feel like I’ve been taken back four years.”</p><p>“R,” Enjolras whispered, unsure of what he wanted to say.</p><p>“We both know how this conversation goes, let me just finish it for us, yeah? You’ll tell me something about growth, and progress and development. I’ll call you a naïve child with no understanding of how the world really works. You’ll tell me you have to go, I’ll beg you to stay. You’ll ask me to come along. I’ll tell you I have other responsibilities.”</p><p>Grantaire gave a long sigh, running his hand through his hair.</p><p>“I know I’m naïve-“</p><p>“No, you’re not,” Grantaire scoffed.</p><p>“You literally just said that yourself.”</p><p>“Old conversations, Apollo. You’re not naïve. You’re infuriatingly idealistic, but you have ideas and you actually execute them. That’s not naïve. That’s just brave. But Enjolras, you cannot just come back into my life and make such demands of me-”</p><p>Enjolras felt something hot settle in his throat even before Grantaire finished, “-not after how we left things.”</p><p>Enjolras chest was squeezing impossibly tight. His voice shook when he said, “I never, never meant to hurt you.”</p><p>Grantaire gave him a thin smile. “I know.”</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“You can be an ass, Enj. You’re antagonistic and do things without thinking, but you’re not an unkind person. It’s not like we had a lot of options, you know? I couldn’t keep you here, where everything felt like a sore memory to you, away from all the people you wanted to fight for. But I couldn’t leave them in that house without my protection.”</p><p>He sighed and went on, “And sure, it was hard as fuck. Because people love to bond over heartbreak, but it’s always <em>my partner cheated on me</em>, or <em>my girlfriend hit me</em>, or <em>they were such a toxic person, I didn’t realize for the longest time</em>. I never knew how to string it together. My boyfriend was cheating on me with the idea of liberty? The love of my life is going to make the world a better place but I can’t be there with him because my kids depend on me to make sure they’re okay?”</p><p>Grantaire crossed his arms. “You had your world to save, Apollo, I had my world to keep safe. I wouldn’t keep you from your cause.”</p><p>Enjolras felt his eyes prickling, “And I, yours. But R, you don’t have to leave them behind. Bring them with you. It’s a big city.”</p><p>Grantaire was looking at him with wide eyes, “I want to be their legal guardian. I know they’re too old for that, but I don’t know what it’s called. I want to be the one called when they get in trouble. I don’t want them to ever have to be around them again.”</p><p>“Okay, we can do that.”</p><p>“Enj, they’re dangerous people. They’ve got connections. I- I don’t want to do this alone. “</p><p>Enjolras felt something churning inside him, he reached out and grabbed his shoulder, “You don’t have to. They’re not kids anymore, R. They will support you. They love you, and want you safe.”</p><p>Enjolras took a long, fortifying breath. “And so do I.”</p><p>For the second time within the span of hours, Enjolras saw Grantaire look like he had been slapped across the face. Enjolras’ heart was going wild in his chest.</p><p>“You…what?”</p><p>There was a stinging feeling in his chest, “It doesn’t change anything, R. I promise I won’t try anything. But I know people, good lawyers I work with who can definitely help you with this. It doesn’t change anything. But I need you to know that if you come to Paris you will not be alone, because I could never abandon you to do this on your own.”</p><p>Grantaire stood, walking around the counter to stand in front of him. He laughed. It came out high, and hysterical and not quite right. But it wasn’t wrong either, and Enjolras did not know what to make of it.</p><p>“When I met you, I was hopeless. I was so filled with bitterness and rage all the time because I had no fucking reason to believe in anything. And then I met you and your merry band of misfits, and I thought you were so fucking stupid. So much faith in the world. But then I kept coming, and I realized they were more than just pretty words, that you actually worked hard to make a difference. That youth center you got community funding for? It’s still standing. You actually do it, Enj.”</p><p>Grantaire was looking right at him with damp eyes, “You were my hope. You were my dawn after so much darkness.”</p><p>Grantaire threw his head back, laughing, and Enjolras knew he had never seen anything as beautiful as that, “I have been in love with you since I was <em>fifteen years old</em>, Enjolras. I don’t remember who I was before I loved you. I have loved you for so long that it has become a part of who I am, a part I’m awfully fond of.”</p><p>When Grantaire took his face in his hands, there was no way he missed how his eyes were on the verge of spilling. It felt so familiar.</p><p>“My Enjolras, duha’i, how could you ever think I stopped loving you?”</p><p>Grantaire ran a gentle thumb under his eye, “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Enjolras made a choking noise, pressing their lips together. Grantaire sighed softly against his lips. Enjolras knew he was crying, but Grantaire was breaking away, and pressing his lips to his eyelids and something in Enjolras’ chest was finally settling down.</p><p>“I love you,” Enjolras whispered.</p><p>Grantaire laughed, and it tasted sweet. “Ohebbuk.”</p><p>Enjolras tangled their fingers together.</p><p>“Um, we waited for like, fifteen minutes, but Gav is going to start eating one of us if we don’t get breakfast soon.” Elodie was smiling, and blushing just a little.</p><p>Grantaire looked a little thrown at the sight of all his siblings coming into the room with a variety of smug expressions on their face. Gavroche had an earsplitting grin, while Eponine looked stoic as ever, raising a knowing eyebrow at Grantaire.</p><p>Enjolras tugged at their joined hands.</p><p>“Want to help me make crepes?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is the first time I actually completed a multichapter fic and it's all because I got so much support from all you lovely people &lt;333</p><p>kudos, comment, share, let me know if you liked it!!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ahhhhhhh if you liked this, leave a comment to help me find motivation to finish it thanks</p></blockquote></div></div>
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